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The title of this stock photo is, "Arrogant earnest woman defending her nation."

Funny, not funny, that's not at all what I see. I see a confident, happy woman, proud to fight for her country.

What's your take?

Not long ago one of my colleagues attended my weekend retreat. At its conclusion, she told me that while the information was life-altering for her, what really blew her away was her experience of my huge heart and my capacity to empathize, especially given my reputation as being extremely ambitious, a real go-getter.

I was stunned by both her candor and its content. I cringe to think that this fellow professional couldn’t (wouldn’t?) place my capacity to feel in the same equation as my ambition — she, like most of our culture, is of the opinion that to have ambition in the form of fame, fortune or position is absolutely in-congruent with what it means to be feminine, what it means to be relationally oriented.

Did she mean I had to choose? I could either be feminine or ambitious? That I couldn’t be both? Or, at least, not at the same time? And as for my so-called reputation — I truly believe we earn those and that we’re in charge of them so if I seem very ambitious it’s because I’m, well, very ambitious.

I set the bar very high because I, for one, refuse to die with my song still inside me.

I’ve never, even for a moment, suspended my femininity in my quest for success. As a matter of fact, I attribute my success to my femininity.

Coincidentally, soon after this incident an equally ‘high performance’ colleague suggested I read Anna Fels’ article, Do Women Lack Ambition? in the Harvard Business Review Fels, a psychiatrist, cites overwhelmingly conclusive evidence substantiating that this assumption is the cultural norm. Reading the research left me both appalled and relieved; the latter because it still holds true in 2009 and the former because it validates my own observations.

It’s most likely that this colleague of mine wasn’t even conscious of what she'd said — that’s how it is with cultural tendencies — they’re so much a part of who we are that we don’t even notice them. Which is what makes them so dangerous, to begin with.

Please share in the comment section below — we’d love to learn from you.

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Nancy D. Solomon, MA Psych is the CEO and Founder of The Leadership Incubator where she helps leaders identify, address, and resolve people's problems before they become profit problems so everyone can focus on what they were hired to do-- INNOVATE AND DRIVE GROWTH.

Known as The Impact Expert, she is the main stage speaker, expert trainer, and veteran coach who helps leaders solve key issues related to leadership development, employee engagement, and advancing women.

Nancy has made a difference for such companies as Microsoft, Target, Acura, Westin, Nordstrom & ADP as well as with many passionate individuals.


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